Future Hermit

Connor: "I'm not going back to my school anymore."

Me: "Why not?"

Connor: (deep sigh) "I just wasn't born to go to school.  I was born to be by myself and make up my own rules."

I decide to play the "what if" game with him, asking him what his rules would be if he was by himself.  While I do believe that some of them are loosely based on Curious George episodes, I was pretty impressed that a boy who didn't like rules could actually come up with seven on his own.  

House Rule #1

You can paint inside or outside of the house on anything.

House Rule #2

You can eat bananas with your feet.

House Rule #3

There is no furniture, except for a dining table and chairs.

     Part of House Rule #3 is that there is a dining room.

House Rule #4

There is a TV and in order to watch TV, you have to sit on a dining chair.

House Rule #5

No coffee (When asked about this rule, he explained, "Because if I was a dad, I wouldn't like coffee.")

House Rule #6

You cannot make papier mache because if someone thinks it's a kind of a food, they won't like it.

House Rule #7

Five stools

Now, I'm not sure if these are going to be posted in his Fortress of Solitude, so you might want to make sure you commit them to memory before visiting.  And if you do visit, make sure you do NOT tell him what to do.

Say What Now?

As a parent, I often find myself saying things that I can vividly remember my parents saying to me.  The big difference is that now, I'm usually thinking to myself, "Ha ha! Who's the parent now?!".  Even though my parenting script can often sound like a rerun of years ago, there are times when my children coerce an original script out of me.  There have been times when I've had to shake my head in disbelief that the words that came out of my mouth actually had to be grouped together in that combination in order for my child to get the message.

If you were to come to the house a few years ago, you might have been privy to the time when I had to say, "Cara. Get that guitar out of your mouth."

More recently, I actually had to tell my daughter, "Do not take your shoes off at a restaurant."

In case you were wondering, there is never an acceptable answer to the question "Why is there chewing gum wrapped around your neck?"

But even through all of the "did I really just have to say that to my child" moments, I do think that my favorite was when I had to tell my son,  "Connor. Use your hands to push that, not the Force."

Lunch with Connor - Hot Dogs

Every other Thursday, the boy and I head to Costco to do our bi-monthly bulk item shopping.  We usually hit the store right around lunch time which gives us the perfect excuse to partake in the $1.50 hot dog/drink combo meal.  Each time Connor gets his hot dog, he examines it.  Here is the video of him explaining why.

Color Commentary

Even though my kids know who I will be voting for, I wanted to try to keep my comments during tonight's Presidential debate to a minimum while watching with my daughter.  Little did I know, she had brought a team of experts with her and they were not afraid to weigh in.

Cara, Body Language Expert:
"He gave more waves than the other guy. He's nicer."
"His hands look like they'd be very good for playing piano."

Cara, Fashion Consultant:
"They must keep that room they are in really cold.  Everyone is wearing suits."
"There are lots of light shining on them and I haven't seen any sweat on them yet."
"What's on his American flag pin? That'd be funny if it was a fake mustache."

Cara, Behavioral Psychologist:
"He said that a lot nicer than (the other guy) did."
"It seems that he is saying things to hurt (the other guy). Like, he's trying to be mean."
"He likes ignoring (the moderator). It's like an enjoyment of his."

Cara, Political Analyst:
"He's going to get rid of that (program)? But that's getting rid of jobs!"
"So, it was like 'Your plan sucks.' 'No, your plan sucks.' 'Nooo, I'm pretty sure your plan sucks more.'"

Cara, Fifth Grader
"I don't really know half of what they are talking about."

Being Thrifty

I'm a sucker for a good deal.  When I shop at Target, I often head to the endcaps and looks for those red tags.  Usually, those areas are filled with things that I really didn't want but, ooooh, look how much they USED to be!  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not about to be featured on a reality show or anything.  (Just picture it....Hoarders: Target Clearance Edition)  I just have been known to donate a number of things to charity that still had those red tags on them.

Recently, my clearance kick has shifted over to a thrift store phase.  I am remaining strong and keeping myself from impulse buys.  But during the course of my "window shopping", I run across some super fun items.  In order to keep myself from putting nonsense into my cart (even if it is extra awesome, kitschy, retro nonsense), I usually ask myself a series of questions:

1) Do I need it?

  - If Yes, ARE YOU SURE? If it's still Yes, ask Question 1 again.

  - If No, yay for honesty.  Go to Question 2

2) Will I use it?

  - If Yes, go to Question 3

  - If No, PUT IT BACK

3) Is there a place for it?

  - If Yes, go to Question 4

  - If No, PUT IT BACK

4) Is it suuuuuuuuper cute? (This question is interchangeable with with "Is it so tacky, it's cute?")

  - If Yes, ask Question 1 again

  - If No, WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION?

When I finally talk myself down from an impulse purchase, I use Connor's example for dealing with loss and get the camera out to "picture it".  Here are a few of my recent favorites:

I like my 80s dresses a little less Alexis Carrington and a lot more Angela from "Who's the Boss". 

I didn't get a good picture of the dress, but this fabric screamed  "Electric Company" to me. 
Either that, or someone sucks at the 60s version of Tetris.

I was going to get him, but I realized that I already had a sassy, green porcelain elephant Buddah planter.

If I had a Mad Libs Room in my house, this would be featured prominently on the wall. 

I might start to make this a regular feature on my blog, posting picture-worthy thrift store items ranging from the hideous to the hilarious.  And by regular, I mean, it may happen more than once.    

Signs of Motherhood

The other day, Cara came in from the three-season porch (a place where we keep all of our craft supplies) and presents me with the following gem:

 Awww!  How nice, right?  No reason.  Just thought I could use some encouraging words.  So, I did what any proud mother would do.  I hung that baby on the fridge and, every time I look at it, I smile.

Cut to today. I had told Connor to do something which he then refused to do.  In order to try and coerce compliance (Yeah. I know. Bad plan.), I said that failure to do said item would result in him not getting any mellowcreme pumpkins that I had just bought.  Instead of going ahead and doing the task, he dug his heels in and argued about the treat and how "I AM going to get to have pumpkins."

When the boy finally realized that he was not going to get his way, he went out back to the craft supplies.  About three minutes later, he returns, goes to his bedroom, and then comes back and motions for me to follow him.  When we get to his room, he points to a sign that he had just taped to his door.  The look on his face as he watched me read his note said, "Hah. I sure showed you, Mom."   

"YOUER NOT TEN BEEST MOM UVR"
(You're not the best mom ever)

I let him have this little victory for today.  Come tomorrow, that puppy's going right up on the refrigerator.

Crash Test Dummy

A few months ago, my son started getting into and buckling his car seat buckles all on his own.  Since we still have him in a 5-point harness, that's a pretty big accomplishment for the little dude.  Not to mention, a HUGE time-saver when it comes to getting us all in the car in a timely manner.   Our usual departure routine includes waiting for Connor to say "I'm done" since he has a couple extra buckles to contend with.

Now, I think I've alluded to the fact that my son doesn't really like being told what to do.  He's usually okay with the reason "because it's the law", but, who am I kidding?  It's only a matter of time before that one goes the way of "because I said so" as a viable option as a threat.  For now, I'm just happy that he still gets in his car seat with very little complaint about having to use one.

I picked Connor up from school today and waited for the all clear before putting the car in drive.  We talked on the way home about his day and, before we knew it, we were home.  As I gathered up our stuff to go inside, Connor realized that he was one click shy of having been fully secured into his car seat.

"I didn't have a buckle buckled and I lived," he revealed. "That's called surviving."

I am willing to bet that he has filed this incident in his steel trap of a brain. If he needs to refer to it, all he's going to have to do is look under "Reasons Why Rules Don't Apply To Me". Right next to the time when he stood on the couch and didn't fall off like his mom said he would.